How Much Khadija R.A Meant to Prophet (PBUH) ? Loyalty ,Love and Need After the Death of our Beloved ones?

What has forced me to write this were few videos circulating around on the social media. One where a man calls in a tv show and tells that he is living and couning days since his wife has left him and died. And he didnt even think of marrying another woman after his wife's death because he loved her so much. There is no harm loving and staying single after your partner's death .But there are some conditions when one becomes obsessed and creates halucinations just to serve himself for that feel of being loved by the dead person and then names it loyalty to the deceased one. And all this to fill the void of his soul and heart that was created after the death and absence of that person .At some point it becomes toxic relationship of one with his ownself where he wants to  get out of this  phase and start afresh but can't leave because of certain reasons. And beyond a certain limit and time this affects person's mental,physical and emotional well being. Its simply akin to denying the fact that the dead one is not there with him.People live in memories and heart forever once they leave but bringing someone in your imagination and talking to them is not really a thing that should be idealized or called love or loyalty.If a person is alive,young and has a whole life ahead to spend ,he should be given this realisation that he deserves to be loved and enjoy the bounties of life instead of  becoming a picture of misery and making himself Satti for life.

Is there anything like remarrying or loving someone else  akin to cheating to your dead spouse? Or one should have the sense of guilt for loving and having a new life after the fst partner"s death? These are some questions that arise in mind when we see someone going through such misery and struggle in life after losing a loved one .To understand this let's have a look on the Prophet's life and His love life with Khadija R.A and after her death .

Prophet was an orphan and His orphaned status held him back as His low position and made it difficult for him to find a wife .At one point He wanted to marry Fakhita ,a daughter of Abu Talib who was about his age .But  Abu Talib had to point out to him that he was not yet in position to marry.But later on Khadija proposed marriage to Muhammad.She was not solely motivated by Waraqa 's enthusiasm but was impressed by the pesonal qualities of her young kinsman.Despite the difference in their ages she wanted him as her husband.As far as Khadija's role in his life is concerned,its obvious that in the early years he could not have managed without her support and spiritual counsel.Khadija was a remarkable woman,She was ,says Ibn e Ishaq ,determined,noble,and intelligent .Whenever Muhammad was attacked by his enemies or shaken by power of his mystical experience ,he always went straight to the Khadija for comfort and for the rest of her life Khadija was the first person to recognise her husband's exceptional ability ,strengthened him ,lightened him ,and proclaimed his burden.Her role in his life is very much prominent.When the first revelation of Quran came ,Muhammad came to himself in a state of terror and revulsion.He had been propelled into a sphere that he had never imagined and had somehow to explain himself.In his isolation and terror,he turned instinctively to his wife.Crawling on his hands and knees,the whole upper part of his body shaking convulsively ,Muhammad flung himself into her lap.Cover me,Cover me ,begging her to shield him from this terrifying presence .All the sources emphasise Muhammad's profound dependence upon Khadija during this crisis.Later he would have other visions and each time he would go straight to Khadija and beg her to cradle him and wrap him in his cloak .But Khadija was not only a mother figure but Muhammad's consoling spiritual adviser.It was she who was able to provide the support that other seers and Prophets have found in an established religion.  

619 is called the Muhammad's year of sadness ,Khadija died ,she had been in her sixties by then.She had been Muhammad's closest companion and after her death nobody would replace her.Not ever the faithful Abu Bakar or the passionate Umar would be able to provide Muhammad with the same intimate support ,and the lost must have affected him profoundly.Then after the Hijra to Madina many years later when Muslim cause seemed to have stagnated ,but this was a sign that things could change for the better.Muhammad had also made some major changes in his household .He needed a wife and longed for a female presence in his life,so it was suggested he should marry Sawdah .He then married to Sawdah .She was not chosed for sexual charms so this marriage was more like a practical arrangement than a love match.Same was the case with Ayesha who was just a little girl when she married to Muhmmad.It was also important to establish a tie with Abu Bakar.Each of his wife had her own place in his life.Even though he was in love with Ayesha but He couldn't hear a word about Khadija. One day,jealous of the place that Khadija still held in Muhammad's affections, Ayesha  called her a toothless old woman, Muhammad was seriously displeased ,nobody could be dearer to him than Khadija who had supported him when the rest of the world had rejected him.

So the point being is that no one could ever replace our lost beloved one ,but to live in this life and to get through this we all need companionship, comfort ,support and connections to fall back on when we feel emotionally low. Also Allah has promised that

 'If Allah finds something good in your heart, he will provide you with something better than what was taken from you'.

This sounds strange and unreal but to see it happening in its magical and real essence one needs to have faith in Almighty's decisions and a complete surrender to Allah's will.Um.e.Salamah said ,she used to think of this Ayah and contemplate what could be better than her own husband who was father of her kids and who passed away in battle .She was 29 years old at that time ,she used to console herself about this Ayah and critically think it.  But when Muhammad proposed her then she realised how she was rewarded with the really better because of her patience and belief .We all face circumstances of grief and loss that continuously keeps sinking our hearts all we need to do is Sabar, Tawakul and firm faith in Almighty's decisions. There are always more than one person made for you to play his/her role in your life at certain points. They might not be perfect or ideal person for you but they must have their own place and remarkable influence in your life. Learn to respect their individuality and widen your heart .Almighty has said in Quran

  

" If Allah has made one thing for you, why do you restrict it on yourself" 

and this was revealed to Muhammad when there was a jealousy factor among Muhammad's wives who wanted to stop Muhammad from going to the  other wife  who used to offer honey to Muhammad and to please his wives Muhammad stopped eating honey and visiting the place of that wife who offered him honey, but  Allah knew how much Muhammad liked honey. Almighty always knows what you want and desire and what's good for you. You are no one to restrict yourself from doing what is rightful ,legal and religiously appropriate for you. To cut a long story short ,stay faithful, have tawakkul but never deny what Allah has made for you. Never refuse to the bounties of life .